if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
