I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
