Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
