Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
how does that bad decision feel?
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