so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
