it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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