They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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