All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You don't make any sense
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