The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
