Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
