Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
