I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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