In the future we'll all be gay
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
