I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
