So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
