I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
