my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Pants 0. Shit 1.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
