when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
