It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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