As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
