If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
