I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
