What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
