I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
