sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just pee around me
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
