I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
