I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
