did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
