so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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