she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
