Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
