I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
