I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
