it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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