So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
