Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
