i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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