Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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