A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
