just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
