He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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