This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
