Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
