She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
