Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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