I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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