my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
