it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
