I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
