The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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