I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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