Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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